Feigning Stupidity
by Persnickety Fox
Summary: Underneath all that red hair and behind all those freckles is a brain. No, seriously. A set of fics about our favorite filmmaker. Chapter 3: How Dez Wrangles a Kangaroo
1. How Dez Holds Auditions

**Feigning Stupidity**

**Short fic 1: How Dez Holds Auditions or How Dez and Austin First Meet**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Austin & Ally, there would so be an origin flashback in the next season. **

**A/N: What if Dez intentionally lets people underestimate him, just for the fun of it?**

When Dez gets his first camcorder, he knows exactly what he's going to do for the rest of his life. The viewfinder is his telescope and he vows to find all sorts of hidden treasure with it. Sure, the first few hours of footage are shot so shakily that he gets a headache when he plays them back, but he learns quickly.

He keeps his camcorder in his backpack and uses it as often as possible. But the kids around him suddenly become boring when they see the shiny, silver Sony in his hand. They put their hands up and duck away or they make funny faces and stupid noises _— _nothing worth recording. Dez wants a real subject, someone who's "alive" in front of the camera. Using a thesaurus, Dez finds out the word he's looking for is "dynamic," but he can't pronounce it when he's ten years old, so he never says it out loud.

He searches for the right subject by watching his classmates, staying quiet in the back of the room. When someone seems like a good choice, he whips out the silver and starts a conversation. But the results end the same way; his newfound subjects shrink into themselves. He claps the viewfinder back in place with a forced smile and tries to ignore the disappointment by getting back into the conversation. But by then, his subject (_reject_) isn't talking about cheese and he looks dumb for not noticing. Dez shrugs it off. He is on a mission. The awkward chit-chat will all be worth it once he finds that Dynamic Dude/Dudette.

By the thirteenth reject, Dez realizes that being a bit clueless helps. The kids get a little more comfortable in front of the camcorder when they focus on how weird or slow he is. The rolled eyes and confused stares are a step up from stiff smiles and outstretched hands, but they're not enough. These moments are not the life he wants to capture.

Half a year passes. None of the kids in Dez's classroom are good enough. He tries finding The One during recess when he can see other people, but a bully on the playing field threatens to bury Dez's camcorder in the sandbox and if she sees him filming her again. This is nothing calling an adult can't fix, but he'd rather keep the Sony safe than risk endangering it with an unexpected sneak attack. So he lays low for months, watching and waiting.

The teacher talks about an upcoming talent contest. Dez hasn't filmed anything worth showing to people just yet, so he doesn't sign up. But when other kids wait in line to sign the sheet, he hears them bragging. A light bulb brightens over his head. He could use the talent show to find the Dynamic Dude/Dudette! Why wait to find people by himself when the talent show could be like one big audition? When he gets home, he begs his parents to mark the date on their calendars so that they'll remember to take him to it. They are hesitant, so he tells him he wants to tap dance for it. They agree and he gets tap shoes.

He ends up loving tap dance; it almost makes him forget the real reason he's going to the talent show. When his mother holds up _his_ Sony on the afternoon of the talent show, cooing at his lime green outfit, he remembers. The mission is back on.

Nighttime. Talent Show Night. He's giddy backstage, clutching his top hat in one hand and Sony in the other, bouncing in place but making sure his tap shoes don't click so that the noise doesn't mess with anyone else's performance. He steadies his right hand as he holds up the silver. His hiding place between the curtains could give him an okay profile shot of the performers.

Who would he find tonight? He doesn't know most of the kids on the program. He hopes for the best.

Gloria Diaz plays a Disney song on a pink guitar. She plays well, but she's so nervous up there, Dez can't hear her say her name even with a mic she is provided. Next.

Brian Johnson. Unfunny comedian. Next.

Martin Wang plays the piano, but Dez can't see him behind the huge instrument. Next.

Nick Casper and Joe Wolowitz trade hilarious "Yo' Mama" jokes. Nick Casper is out. Joe is a tentative maybe.

Cindy O'Brian sings "Too Little," by JoJo. Her friends act as back-up singers. Dez can see by the bossy way she looks at her friends that she's horrible to work with. Next.

He hears his teacher call his name over the applause. She shoos him over to another curtained section. One more performer and he is up. Dez puts his hand in his pocket to see who's next in the program, but his hand gets stuck in there when a cheerful voice says, "Hi! I'm Austin Moon, and I'm going to sing a song for you!"

Dez looks up as piano music starts. Now that Dez has moved, he can see that a blond boy is sitting behind the piano, but the boy's back is to him so Dez can't see his face. But Dez can see the brave line of the boy's posture and can hear the sureness of the boy's voice. The piano music is smooth as the boy sings "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter, but his enthusiasm speeds up the tempo, changing the catchy, sad song into a happier one. Dez stands, transfixed, and hope hits him harder than an extremely clean glass door he accidentally walked into last week.

The Dynamic Dude could be _this guy, right here, right now, finally_.

Dez waits until the blond is done playing to make sure. He doesn't want to be disappointed again so he pushes back hope for what feels like the longest minute of his life.

When the boy plays his last note, he looks up to smile at the audience. He slides off the bench and crosses his arms in a pose that screams confidence and strides off the stage like he's letting everyone else borrow it for tonight. It takes two seconds for Dez to realize that the boy is coming towards him to get off the stage, and Dez freezes. As if in hyper-focus, Dez notices the boy's big, brown eyes glance down to the camcorder in Dez's hand.

The moment of truth. What is this guy going to do?

The boy's grin widens as he looks right into the camera. He _spins._ Makes a full turn right there, strikes the same pose he did moments ago, and walks off the stage as if it is all part of his performance.

"Break a leg, man," he says as he passes by Dez.

"Thanks," Dez replies, and barely registers his teacher's hands grabbing his camcorder before his world starts up again.

Dez has a smile on his face when he walks on the borrowed stage. He can't help but pump his fist in victory before calming down and starting his tap dance routine.

Austin Moon gets first pick in the talent show.

As he should. Dez doesn't hold auditions for nothing.

But Dez isn't able to find Austin Moon that night, not when relatives and family capture Dez and take him home immediately to celebrate his first tap dance recital. A long weekend detains him more, and Dez watches the recital footage so many times his parents worry a little.

The following Monday recess, Dez upgrades his eyesight to Hawk Level to find Austin Moon. The boy is playing basketball with kids from his classroom, so Dez asks to play.

"The game would be uneven, then," says some other kid. "If you wanted to play, you should've saved the spot."

Austin Moon shrugs an apology and keeps playing. Dez is forced to watch, and asphalt burns his butt where he sits because the trees and shade are on the other side of the playing field. But that's okay. Austin Moon is the kind of boy a person doesn't mind watching. He tries to do fancy tricks with the basketball and fails, but his easy grin and quick reflexes show that he'll get it eventually.

Once the game is over and the recess bell rings, Austin Moon spins the basketball on one finger as he approaches Dez.

"Did you really want to play?" the boy asks.

Noticing that he has been caught staring, Dez nods. "Yeah."

The grin that never really leaves Austin Moon's face stretches. "Well, I'll save you a spot tomorrow then."

"Thanks," Dez says, standing up and wiping his pants. When he looks up, the basketball is still spinning. "Hey, how do you do that?"

"Oh, this?" Austin Moon tosses the ball in the air and catches it. "It's easy. I can teach you."

A whistle blows in the distance and the recess monitors are telling everyone to line up. The blond looks over to the edge of the playing field.

"I can't right now…"

"Tomorrow, then," Dez blurts out.

The smile is back. "Sure. We'll have enough time tomorrow. What's your name?"

"Dez." Dez puts out his hand.

Austin Moon shakes his hand like he's genuinely happy to meet him. "I'm Austin."

The next day, Austin Moon becomes Austin, the boy who teaches Dez how to spin a basketball on one finger.

Fourth grade. Dez is delighted when Austin has the same fourth-grade teacher he has. The bully has graduated to middle school so Dez can bring his camcorder to the playing field without fear. He records Austin playing basketball, playing four-square, dancing, even just talking underneath the shade in the Miami heat, because everything Austin does in front of the camera is interesting. And best of all, Austin doesn't mind that a camera is around. He doesn't even mind it when Dez gets off track and talks about cheese! When it happens, Austin joins in and talks about how he'd love to make a game entirely out of cheese. Dez's fourth-grade year outshines his third-grade year by a million watts.

It takes a random conversation with Austin for him to recollect why.

"Hey, Dez," Austin says, after gulping down some chocolate milk at the cafeteria.

Dez's mouth is full with tater tots. "Mmrah?" (Yeah?)

"Why do you call your camcorder a telescope sometimes?"

Dez knows his handy dandy "telescope" is supposed to help him find hidden treasures. He never expected it to help him find a best friend.

He doesn't tell Austin that. Instead he smiles and doesn't miss a beat.

"Because it can zoom in, duh."

**A/N: I hope you this short fic makes you go, "awwww" in a good way. How do you like my take on Dez? Did you like all the little Dez trivia sprinkled in there? If you do, tell me! If you don't, still tell me! I won't know unless you review.**

**Persnickety Fox**


	2. How Dez Impresses the Ladies

**Disclaimer: If I owned "Austin and Ally," everyone would have to be shocked by the magic shock finger. **

**A/N: I did not expect this short fic to stop being short**_**, **_**but after watching the pilot, I just knew recapping it from Dez's perspective would be worth it. So don't watch the pilot while reading this! It'll actually help if you don't remember the episode. And if you don't know what the word "woobie" means, look it up after you finish reading this, because that is what describes Dez for the first half of "Rockers and Writers."**

**Fic 2: How Dez Impresses the Ladies or How Dez Meets Ally and Trish**

As a director, Dez is professional, practical, and amicable. Actresses take him seriously. But when he's not in the director's chair and talking to non-actresses? He loses any social footing he has. Anything an actress can overlook – like his loud clothing and sense of humor – is exactly what a non-actress can't see past. The shift is inconvenient and leaves Dez wondering if there's a regular girl out there he _hasn't_ failed to make a good first impression on.

And the worst part? He does do impressive things around girls. They just don't notice. So to keep the irony from killing him, Dez makes sure his interaction with non-actresses is as painlessly short as possible.

Today, the interaction he wants to avoid is exactly the kind he gets.

Austin chooses a music store as the location for his newest music video, but it isn't the best place. A quick glance into the store tells Dez exactly what he has to worry about: background noise, unwanted extras, inconsistent lighting, and a pot-bellied owner who may or may not be lenient about the rules posted on the walls. They'd have to re-record the audio for sure. He doesn't see why Austin can't record the video at his own house. Austin's instruments are all there, and it's not like Dez can't help him move the drum set from the garage to the bedroom. But Austin is adamant about having Sonic Boom as their set, so Dez picks up his mini camcorder and heads to the store.

Once he's at Sonic Boom, he understands.

The manager of the store isn't the only one who works there. A girl does, too. She's a cute little thing in a vest and belted skirt, with doe eyes that could almost bring Audrey Hepburn to shame. He remembers seeing her once or twice at school but never _noticing _her, probably because her eyes are always down, reading a book or following her pen as she writes. Reading and writing are all kinds of fun, but no fun to record, so Dez had dismissed her as another cute girl. Now she's a cute girl who hopefully can fall for Austin's signature charm so that they can film their music video.

When they see the owner, Mr. Dawson, go upstairs, Austin strikes up the drums with the nearest tools he can find: the corn dogs they are just about to eat. They don't even get ten seconds worth of footage before "Ally" (Dez reads her nametag) whistles in Austin's ear to make him stop.

Austin doesn't have enough time to charm Ally so Dez puts on his director persona. He starts out politely, introduces himself as a filmmaker, and throws his camcorder into the air for extra flair. But he gets distracted by the not-quite-Audrey eyes and his camcorder meets the floor.

In a panic, he yells out the first thing to come to mind: "And cut!"

He dives for his camcorder and walks away before he can say anything else ridiculous. Because, really? "And cut" is all he can come up with?

Austin's turn. He tries convincing Ally to let them play the instruments by well, playing them anyway. He plays two trumpets at once, and the smile on Ally's red lips motivates Dez to show off.

Let it be known that Dez can play a sousaphone and a harmonica. Just not at the same time. Dez accidentally blows a harmonica out of a sousaphone and into an old lady's windpipe. He is quick to give her the Heimlich maneuver and successfully dislodges the harmonica from her throat, but her dentures fly out of her mouth along with it and land on the cashier counter Ally is leaning against.

Not the best first impression, but hey, he can save lives. That's something, right?

The mix of disgust and mortification on Ally's face as she holds the dentures tells him that it's nothing. Her glare also tells him and his best friend to _get out_.

Dez apologizes to the lady and leaves. Austin says he'll stay around the mall for a while, and the music video is forgotten. Dez fiddles with the chipped camcorder at home.

The next day, Austin is busy rehearsing and only invites Dez over once he's arranged every note to perfection. Dez is thrilled that Austin still wants to film and takes the invitation as permission to use Austin's bedroom as the set. He moves half of Austin's furniture out of his bedroom and into the hallway, and moves all the instruments Austin needs into it. He keeps each instrument section separate. He also adds a few touches, like laundry on the floor, to make the video look like it was done in a few minutes. In reality, filming takes an hour and a half.

When Dez asks Austin whose song he's covering, Austin says that it's an Austin Moon original. The conviction in Austin's voice makes Dez pause as he adjusts the exposure value on the camcorder. The song Austin's performing is leagues better than anything Austin's composition skills allow, but Dez decides not to question it because they only have half an hour to rearrange all the stuff before Austin's parents come home. Besides, people will eventually recognize it when it hits MyTewb, anyway. They'll tell him who owns the song.

None of Austen's subscribers tell him it's a cover. Even when the video goes viral within the week and the subscriptions skyrocket, no one doubts that it's an Austin Moon original.

Dez is happy for his best friend's success, so he shoves doubt to the back of his head and rushes out to launch Austin's brand. He orders silk screen motifs. Kinko's becomes his haunt as he designs stickers, labels, and posters. He's so excited when Austin gets TV publicity that he smacks Austin Moon labels on everything, like jars of peanut butter and laundry detergent. He doesn't care if the chance of them selling is slim. His best friend is going to be on The Helen Show!

The shipment of a life-size chocolate Austin arrives at the Moon residence and they cart it upstairs. Then they work on the formulation of Austin's cologne line, but get interrupted by a knock on the door. Dez opens the door with a smile.

It's Ally from the music store, the girl who thought nothing of his awesome Heimlich maneuver. He can afford to be a little bitter so he goes back to work, letting Austin handle her.

A shorter girl in a black suit and red cummerbund follows Ally inside. Her curls are astonishingly unaffected by the Miami humidity, which earns his respect.

Maybe he can get on this girl's good side. Dez's hopes heighten when she introduces herself as Trish, a "big fan." If she can like his best friend, she might be able to warm up to him, too.

Ally asks what he's doing, so he tries to give the air a spritz of the new cologne so she could sample it. But the bottle's spritzer is nudged a bit too far to the right and he sprays Trish's face instead.

Trish's response: "I don't like you."

Dez can bounce back from that. Appealing to her fangirl nature, he reveals his latest Austin Moon creations, including the Austin Moon foam-spitter. After seeing the foam-spitter in action, Trish electrifies him with a magic shock finger. He should've known girls don't like foam. To make up for getting foam on her ruffle shirt, he looks for merchandise she might like in the closet.

That's when he hears Ally identify herself as the real songwriter of "Double Take." The statement makes sense; unlike Austin, she writes so much that she's bound to be good at it. But Austin's pride keeps him from giving her credit. Dez only has one moment to be confused about this before Austin opens the closet door and offers to give Ally the life-size chocolate Austin sculpture. Ally leaves, shaking her head.

Trish lingers, eyeing the sculpture.

"Is that milk chocolate or dark chocolate?" she asks, reaching out to touch it.

"_Trish!"_ Ally's shriek makes Trish hurry out the door to be Ally's moral support.

And a light bulb brightens again.

Dez runs to the table, grabs what he needs, runs to the door, and hangs onto the door jamb to stop his momentum. "Trish!"

Trish stops before her foot hits the first stair step. He tosses her the only Austin Moon Action Figure prototype they have. She catches it – finally, one thing he doesn't mess up.

"A fan of Austin Moon is a friend of mine," he says. "And you can hide that easier than forty-five pounds of chocolate."

Trish's eyes narrow, but the twist in her mouth tells him she's trying not to smile. "I still don't like you."

Dez's smile is carefully care-free. "But you like Austin. That's enough for me."

"_Trish!"_ Ally is waiting downstairs.

Trish hides the action figure under her jacket, wedging it into her cummerbund. She doesn't say goodbye as she dashes down the stairs. Dez hears the front door slam. Satisfied, Dez turns back to see his best friend's eyebrows knitted in unease as the boy picks at the yellow foil on the chocolate version of himself.

Dez isn't worried. Knowing Austin, things are bound to work out.

Austin gets ready to perform on The Helen Show while Dez waits downstairs. In the foyer, he sits down to tighten his shoe laces when he notices something odd on the floor. He picks it up.

Trish forgot the magic shock finger.

He remembers she had it on when he threw her the action figure. But he doesn't remember hearing Ally get electrified as they left, so he can't think of a reason for her to remove it. He hums, shrugs, and jogs back up the stairs to shock Austin. Austin takes the shock finger from him and pitches a pillow at his face.

Dez's mom takes them to The Helen Show studio. Austin performs amazingly, as expected. But Dez is surprised when Austin lets his lie force him into a crazy situation. Helen D'Generesque invites him back to perform another song tomorrow. Austin tries to scramble out of it, but Helen rallies his fans to encourage him. Instead of telling the truth, Austin accepts the invitation and resigns himself to nationwide embarrassment in T minus twenty-three hours.

Austin is unresponsive in the vehicle during the ride home, slumped and staring at the brightly-colored paisley seat cover in front of him. Dez asks his mom if she can drop them off at the mall and Austin takes the hint. His eyes refocus with a determination Dez is more familiar with.

Sonic Boom, here they come.

The music store has more tension in it than its high-strung guitars, and Ally is ready to take the staircase to get away from them (again), even after Austin apologizes. Austin gives up when Ally continues to walk up the stairs, saying that he's kidding himself. He quotes his dad's discouraging words as if they act as proof. Hearing his best friend quote the one person he wishes would support him most makes the edges of Dez's heart crack, but they splinter more when Ally empathizes; her dad disapproves of her serious passion for music, too. Dez cracks a joke to keep from getting overemotional.

Saying that his dad tells him to stop texting the dog does not earn laughs.

His comedic timing is wasted on this crowd.

Austin moves to leave but Ally calls after him, boots stepping off the staircase. Even before she announces it, Dez sees by the way her eyes light up that she's going to help Austin. Dez shouts to celebrate, and offers a high-five to Trish, but his hand meets nothing.

She isn't kidding about not liking him.

Ally requests that Austin do something for her in return, and to everyone's surprise, she declares that she wants a ham. Dez is confused by the confusion on her face; she's not good under pressure, apparently. But Dez is glad she's not asking Austin to do something embarrassing. She just wants him to do something seemingly outlandish and therefore difficult. The mall doesn't have a store that sells whole hams, and the nearest location that does sell it is a half-hour drive away. Austin has to work to get his song this time.

The lesson learned is great and all, but neither of them have time for it. The next Helen Show appearance is in T minus seventeen hours, so Dez opens the food stash compartment of his backpack and gives her what she wants.

He hopes she likes ham honey-baked.

Austin and Ally go upstairs together and Dez is left with Girl Who Does Not Like Him.

"Why did you have a ham in your backpack?" she asks.

"Why do you have dog ears on your hat?" he asks.

"Because I work at the pet store."

"Because I get hungry sometimes."

Awkward silence. Dez messes with the zippers of his backpack.

"How long do you think it'll take for them to write a new song?" he asks.

Trish snorts. "A song as catchy and upbeat as that? A few years, maybe."

Dez does a double take. "What makes you say that?"

"I've read over Ally's shoulder before. Her lyrics are de_press_ing_. _I'm surprised she wrote the first one."

Dez gulps. "So you mean she's going to write a bad song?"

"Well, no. It's just that Ally's wound up so tight, she has no idea how to make her songs fun."

"Sounds like they're going to need our help," Dez says, putting a hand to his chin.

Trish's cute, narrow eyes find his. "What do you have in mind?"

Dez has an idea, and Austin gives him opportunity when Austin texts him for help. Dez and Trish quickly barge into the practice room and kick Austin and Ally out of it. Austin proceeds to set lights up in the music store, and Dez asks Trish if she has something like what he pulls out of his backpack: a dark, glitzy outfit he used at his last tap dance recital. Trish's eyes widen and she points at the outfit in happy surprise. Turns out she used to work at the dance costume store where he bought the outfit. She goes back to her house to get hers and after she returns to Sonic Boom, they brainstorm.

Twenty minutes later, Trish has the routine down and dance music plays downstairs. Austin blows his whistle to signal them to come down, and Dez and Trish reveal themselves in matching black-and-gold, shimmery regalia, finger-guns blazing.

Dez feels naked without his tap shoes, but that doesn't keep him from enjoying this. They perform and Dez makes sure to flip his nicely-styled hair in Ally's direction. They do silly moves like reeling the fish and the lawn sprinkler and finish with Dez lifting Trish in the air. Any clumsiness they exhibit when he lets her down is only because he hasn't lifted a dance partner in two years, not because he has any trouble actually carrying her.

Their dance routine is just the thing to get Ally to relax. With a little more coaxing, they get her to dance! Well, they get her to _move in place_. Ally is a horrible dancer for someone with a musical background. She has no sense of rhythm and her gestures are forced and abrupt. But she's having fun now, so they all join in to dance with her.

Dez forgets why he's avoided girls for so long. They can be fun off-camera.

The music stops and everyone's in a friendship-handshake mood. Ally and Trish friendship-handshake, Dez and Austin "what-up," and Dez and Trish turn to each other to high-five but stop midway and turn back to their respective best friends.

High-fives just aren't their thing.

Ally is ready to channel all that energy into song-writing, so Dez's idea is a success. He goes home, sure that Austin and Ally are going to be fine by T minus zero.

The next day, he goes to the mug store at the mall to get something to commemorate Austin and Ally's song debut. A short girl with three small mugs on her headband greets him and his jaw loosens.

"Trish?"

"Dez?"

"Don't you work at the pet store?"

She shrugs. "I work here now. What do you want?"

Dez orders two personalized mugs, one for congratulations and another just in case. Once the mugs are finished, Trish abandons her post to head over to Sonic Boom and give them to Austin and Ally. She takes some credit for the gift, but Dez doesn't mind. She did technically make them, anyway.

In his enthusiasm, he shows Austin and Ally _both _mugs, but they know he means well, so the subject is dropped in five seconds. They all go to The Helen Show studio.

Dez isn't sure which mug is appropriate for what happens at the studio. The "Congrats, we knew you could do it!" mug could be used to memorialize the making of the new song. It could kind of be used to commemorate Ally facing her fear, too. But the "Sorry, you failed, you did your best!" mug sums up Ally's reaction to facing said fear.

Austin's attempt to help Ally get over her stage fright ends in her literally crawling away from the limelight, causing a domino-effect accident that wrecks half of Helen's stage. Helen is concerned for Ally and tries to help her out of the rubble, but Ally's stage fright continues and she throws up on the show host. Helen cuts to a commercial break faster than a reality contest elimination countdown and is surprisingly still kind to Ally during the break. The crew helps both of them off the stage. Helen thanks Austin for being there, but with a semi-destroyed stage, Helen thinks it's best for Austin to debut his song on MyTewb tonight instead. So the group leaves the studio, and Dez stares at the mugs on his lap, debating which one works better.

Ally and Trish are dropped off at the mall, and Dez thinks that Austin will be dropped off at his house, but Austin jumps out of the car to follow the girls.

"Hey, where are you going?" Dez shouts after him.

"I'll be right back!" Austin yells over his shoulder. "I just need to talk to Mr. Dawson for a sec."

In ten minutes, Austin returns and explains what he got Mr. Dawson's permission to do. Dez nods and turns to his mom, putting on his most endearing smile.

"Mom? Can you help us do this, please? It's for a good cause."

His mom rolls her eyes good-naturedly and takes them to every place they need to go. Dez thanks her with a kiss on her cheek every time he gets out of the car.

The Plan takes half a night and half a day to complete (Austin can't stay up two nights in a row, so they take him home the moment he unintentionally spritzes his face with his cologne). Dez's limbs are sore from moving furniture and instruments, so after everything is in place, he collapses in a bumper car Austin ordered and lets Austin push the car around the room.

The door opens and Ally and Trish visit them once again, except this time they're in the Sonic Boom practice room and it is Austin's turn to tell Ally what he wants.

Both the girls are amazed at the practice room's makeover. Bright colors, fun décor, pickle jars, and Austin Moon memorabilia replace the dreary office/storage room vibe. Her old piano is gone, exchanged for the Steinway and Sons baby grand from downstairs. The room is the perfect backdrop for Austin's proposal.

As Austin makes his speech, Trish takes a closer look at the flame-painted bumper car.

"So you got my resume?" she asks Dez.

"Yup," Dez says, wincing a little as he exits the bumper car. "But I have one tiny concern."

"What?"

Dez stands up and activates Director Mode. "You've been fired a lot. I made a few calls and your past employers had a lot to complain about you. You sure you can handle being Austin's manager?"

Trish is unfazed. "Psh, of course. Work is boring. But updating Flitter accounts, booking gigs, going to concerts? That's not work, that's fun. I may have gotten fired from a lot of jobs, but 'fun-lover' is not an occupation I will ever get fired from."

Dez deliberates. He likes her attitude. Judging by the immaculate styling of her hair, he can tell she does work hard at things she finds important. And from dancing with her two nights ago, he has full proof that she lives for entertainment.

"Good," he says. "You're hired."

Behind them, Ally accepts Austin's proposal to be his music partner. The quartet is complete. To start, Dez tests Trish's capabilities by telling Trish what he needs for his new music video. She can only get stuff he already has. Dez's shoulders slump, but he knows his vision is greater than her limitations, so he lets it go. If Joss Whedon can film a web series _and_ musical on a limited budget, so can Dez.

Dez hears an odd splatter noise and turns just in time to see Ally using the foam-spitter on Austin. A smile is on her face as she presses the hidden button. Dez joins in, getting in Austin's way to make foam collide with his shirt. He can hear Trish laughing behind them.

Girls do like foam, after all.

As Dez changes into another shirt in the storage closet, he hears excited chatter in the practice room. He thinks about the past week and a half and marvels at how everything has worked out. Austin has a fanbase, a songwriter, and a manager, and Dez has two new friends — or rather, one friend and one fan of a friend.

"Hey, Dez." Ally's voice is muffled.

Dez opens the door. Ally is on the other side of the room, and Austin and Trish aren't there. "Yeah?"

"We're going to grab some pizza, want to come?"

"Sure! Tim's Square Pizza is awesome, we should order from them!"

Ally's smile is warm, so unlike the pursed lips she sported the day they met that he's glad she has decided to stick around. "We can't wait that long for delivery. How about Mini's instead?"

Dez shakes his head. "I'm not that full yet. Sbarro's?"

Ally thinks about it for a moment and then nods. "Sbarro's."

Ally turns to leave and Dez follows, floored that nothing he does ruins their conversation. The phenomenon makes him think that maybe he hasn't given non-actresses enough time to get used to him. He may have failed to make good first impressions on Ally and Trish, but here they are, not only working with him, but talking to him. So what if it they don't recognize that he knows emergency first aid, prepares for anything, and dances well? Ally and Trish have plenty of time to figure out how awesome he is now that they're working together.

Dez smiles, ready to prove his awesomeness.

Winning this week's burger-eating contest seems like a good place to start.

**A/N: Whew! Over 4,000 words. Thanks for reading through all that! Were you able to see Dez in a different light? Try watching the pilot episode now and see if you don't say the word "woobie" every time Dez's antics go unappreciated. Or maybe that's just me. **

**Thanks so much, JoeyJar99, Lalalala, and "Guest" for the reviews! To all those who review anonymously, I'd really appreciate it if you sign in before reviewing so that I can thank you individually. It'd be cool to know who else in the fandom loves Dez, too.**

**Tell me what you think!**


	3. How Dez Wrangles a Kangaroo, Part 1

**Disclaimer: The only things I own in this chapter are the illegible lyrics. Not that I'm proud of them.**

**Fic 3: How Dez Wrangles a Kangaroo, Part 1 (Or How Dez Deals with Music Video Props)**

Dez does not flaunt the fact that his parents are rich. They're not rich as in "rich and famous," but they're rich enough to give him Jacksons and the occasional Benjamin for allowance instead of Lincolns and Hamiltons. He finds it odd that people acknowledge he has an abundance of stuff, but no one makes the connection that someone had to _buy_ all of it. When he tries the whole "popular, rich kid" thing in elementary school, he ends up having no fun with his "friends," so he boasts a zanier side to put them off.

His zany side sticks even after Austin comes along. Austin doesn't mind because he has no other behavior to compare it to, but it takes Dez two whole years to invite Austin to his house. During the tour, Austin is in awe while Dez is nervous; Dez puts his hand behind his head so many times that Austin mistakes him for having dandruff like his dad. By the time they get to the game room, Dez's lack of enthusiasm about playing a foosball game tells Austin that dandruff is not his best friend's problem.

"Dude, what's wrong?" twelve-year-old Austin asks, twisting a rod.

"Nothing," Dez says, elbow jutting in the air as he puts his hand behind his head again. The ball is not blocked because of it and Austin scores a point.

Austin keeps the feeling of victory off his face to show that he is serious. "Dude."

Conflicted, Dez sighs, picks up the ball and serves it to start another round. "Sorry, it's just…" Dez knocks the ball to the other side of the table. "The last time I invited classmates over, they stayed for the DVD collection and not for the hanging out. I kind of became more of Blockbuster than a friend."

The moment stretches as Austin stops twisting the foosball rods.

"Oh, I see." The performer nods and crosses his arms. "You think I'm the kind of friend who would use you like that?"

"No," Dez says quickly.

"So you think I'd like your awesome DVD collection more than I like hanging out with you?"

"Well, I**—**."

Austin releases a grin, carefree as ever. "Don't worry about it. So what if you've got cool stuff?" He gestures to the LEGOS Star Wars-themed foosball table. "This is not my best friend. You are."

Dez is so relieved that he lets Austin win the game. Or so he tells himself.

From then on (and not before), the only important thing Austin asks of Dez is his time. Not cool gifts or hard-to-get movie tickets. Hanging out is all they do, and if Dez has the newest tech to record it, Austin is happy for him. If Dez is willing to share the food he brings to school, Austin is grateful.

That being said, Austin's lack of requests does not keep Dez from being a generous gift-giver. Dez is just put at ease knowing that his best friend is different from the rest in yet another awesome way. But to make sure he doesn't feel like a stabbed puppy after being taken advantage of again, he follows one simple preventive measure: let his insanity distract everyone so they don't notice that all the coolest gadgets and clothes are his.

(He doesn't care what anyone says. Suspenders are cool.)

Ever since Austin's viral hit, Dez saves up money for the next video. All his allowance and his piggy bank account are reserved for this one. He even saves the prize money he gets from winning the Annual Miami Twenty-Pound Hamburger Eating Contest.

But a month goes by, and Ally's song-writing is postponed. Dez can kind of understand. She has work and school and book club. But that doesn't stop him from being a little nasty about a distinct lack of film material.

He kind of sort of accidentally-on-purpose takes his frustration out on Sonic Boom instruments. The first time, he doesn't _mean_ to permanently bend a violin bow while shooting an arrow. It just happens. But the chaos is therapeutic, and he'd rather figure out creative, non-musical ways to use musical instruments than pester Ally for putting his directing career on hold. He keeps a tab on any damages, confident that he can afford it. But after he breaks a banjo by using it as a badminton bat, Ally unrolls his tab sheet to show that it's taller than she is. He panics a little.

Musical instruments are more expensive than he thought.

He hopes the video comes soon so he can start saving money for a "Pay Back the Dawsons" fund.

After setting the broken banjo down, Dez pokes his head and hands into his backpack to find something to bribe Ally with. If he had exactly what she wanted to write a song for The Helen Show, he probably has something now. Whatever incentive works, right?

In the distance, he can hear Austin pressure Ally to write a new song.

"Fine, you want a new song?" Ally's voice reaches him, sounding more frustrated by the second. "Ugh, here!"

There's a pause before Austin says, "See? That wasn't so hard."

Dez smiles. Work time begins. He sifts through the backpack for his camcorder.

"No. Way. The guy who won the twenty-pound hamburger eating contest!" The description makes Dez take his head out of his backpack. An enthusiastic girl comes up behind him and asks, "Can I have your autograph?"

After getting a weird request from some forty-year-old hamburger connoisseur to write his autograph in ketchup, Dez is prepared. He takes out a bottle of ketchup, shaped much like an oversized red crayon, and writes his name on her jacket.

Now time for work.

Austin unfolds a crumpled paper, frowns at it, and shows it to Dez. It reads:

_I like it when you kangaroo ad_

_Make my headn lalma the_

_Sound x 4_

_I like ur sonq caramelit any louder_

_TiH the boss makes my hwrt_

_Pound s 4_

Dez tries to make out the words by squinting closely at them. Nope. Ally's horrible excuse for penmanship still does not make sense. But Ally is swamped with customers, and if Austin needs a video soon, Dez doesn't have time to consult her. He'll work with what he has, and if he makes mistakes, then so be it. Austin Moon (and by extension, Dez) is not going to be forgotten.

He cracks the piggy bank, deposits all the cash he's saved up into his debit account, and rush-orders anything he might need. He's done within two hours. Sonic Boom is still busy when he returns, so no one notices when Dez lugs a bucket of caramel into the practice room.

Ally's rush hour ebbs while Dez waits for the rest of the music video props to arrive. He uses that time to check out some commercial Austin has been complaining about. Dez scoffs as he watches the screen; Ralphie Hayes is a horrible actor. Dez would never hire him. Was the dog food so bad that the commercial director had no choice but to use him? Dez decides to find out, spending five dollars on a can of Yummy-Time Dog Food and four dollars on a can opener. He walks back to Sonic Boom and opens the can. Ironically, the commercial plays on the big screen in front of him as he sits on the counter.

He takes a bite. Yeah, it tastes bad. But Dez can at least act like it doesn't make him want to throw up. He shakes his head at Ralphie Hayes. Paid for doing a horrible job eating horrible dog food. What a rip-off.

"Guess who got a job at the dry-cleaner's?"

Dez turns to see Trish enter the store, her headband decorated with a tiny hanger. She holds a huge leather jacket in one hand, saying that the owner's name is "Face Puncher" and that she's borrowing it for the music video. Apparently, stealing the thing is no big deal because the owner will still be able to pick it up at 8 o'clock. Everyone wonders what a star-studded leather jacket has to do with the music video when Trish explains that Ally had written about a jacket herself. One of her intelligible lines came across as "My jacket is in the lost and found."

Ally is quick to correct her. It's actually "I like it when you hang around."

Dez could have sworn the paper said "I like it when you kangaroo." Shrugging it off, Dez is optimistic that Austin in a leather jacket singing with a kangaroo "hanging around" in the background would make an awesome music video. MyTewb is made for the fun and random, anyway. But when Austin disagrees—which he never does unless an idea is too dangerous or physically impossible—Dez's optimism wavers.

As if on cue, the kangaroo he rush-ordered arrives, hopping into the store on a leash. Dez's hand finds its way to his hair just like it did when he was twelve. He can feel Trish glare holes into his neck.

Trish's voice hits him like a slap. "You ordered a kangaroo?!"

Dez quickly signs any papers the kangaroo caretaker has on him. "I'm only renting him for the video."

The caretaker hands him a pamphlet, which he hastily stuffs in his back pocket.

"This music video is supposed to look cool, not look like a zoo!" Trish says, eying the kangaroo in disgust.

"Well, I can't cancel the rental so we have to work with what we have." He takes the leash and waves goodbye as the caretaker exits the store.

"We are not working with a zoo animal."

"So you'd rather work with a leather jacket that's two sizes too big?" he asks. If Face-Puncher is as big and burly as Trish says he is, Austin will probably look awkward wearing the man's clothing.

Trish's face scrunches up in anger, strangely reminiscent of his cousin Camilla when she has to use the toilet. "It's not that big! At least I'm not trying to embarrass Austin with a stupid idea."

Dez's hand tightens around the kangaroo's leash. "Stupid" is never a good word to use around him.

"Oh, really?" he asks. "And making him look like he doesn't know his own jacket size is better?"

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with." Trish stomps up the stairs and into the practice room.

Austin spares a wary glance at Trish before resting his hands on the counter. He and Ally argue about the real lyrics to the song. Dez looks at the kangaroo at his side while his big, black eyes peruse the room.

The kangaroo is so much bigger than Dez expected. Part of his tail lies flat on the floor, probably about two feet long, while the rest of it hangs probably a foot and a half off the ground. The kangaroo's head is level with Dez's waist. He's huge.

"Well, c'mon, boy," he says to the kangaroo. "Let's get you on set."

The kangaroo is adorable going up the stairs, using his front paws to touch the steps and keep him steady as he takes two steps at a time with his hind legs. After the kangaroo is settled in the room, Dez sets up the lighting, happy that the Helen Show money got them enough floor lamps for the video.

Trish's irritable aura radiates through the room as she redoes the prop list. Dez still hasn't forgiven her for calling his idea stupid, so he antagonizes her a little bit. Accusing her of pooping in the practice room is ludicrous (of _course _it's the kangaroo that did it), but her eyes light up as if she's happy that he wants to spar. She accepts the challenge by threatening bodily harm, so he backs off. For now.

Austin asks what the kangaroo is supposed to do in the video. Dez suggests that the kangaroo be in the band. Maybe it can hold a tambourine or drumstick and stand there looking cute with it. Dez is busy adjusting the angle of a floor lamp when he hears Austin mention a guitar and an uneasy feeling runs through him. But if he can get the lamp angle just right—.

A weird punching noise comes from behind him. He glances at the mirror to his side to check what it is and is alarmed to see a guitar fly through the air. He whirls around fast enough to see it crash through the window. The glass splinters and what's left is a swinging windowpane.

"The window!" Ally cries.

"The jacket!" Trish screams.

"The door!" Dez adds.

Austin looks at the door, and then at Dez. "What's wrong with the door?"

"Nothing, I thought we were just naming stuff in the room."

Really, the window is no problem. Dez is sure he has enough money to chip in for a replacement. And the jacket is fine.

Trish points frantically at something behind him. "No, the kangaroo is chewing Face Puncher's jacket!"

Dez starts. As much as Trish upset him, he doesn't want her to get face-punched. He dives for the jacket, but the kangaroo hugs it to himself like a teddy bear.

A billion-dollar teddy bear, that is. Dez tugs and tugs, swings the jacket to the left and to the right, but his maneuvers don't loosen the kangaroo's grip on the jacket at all. Dez can feel his neck heat up from the exertion and knows his face is turning an embarrassing shade of red. He tries pulling the jacket away with both hands.

He succeeds, but the sudden release of the jacket makes him lose his hold on it. The jacket is tossed over his head and as he falls, he sees a blur of black fall right into—.

_Squirt._

The bucket of caramel.

Trish grasps the jacket by the collar in revulsion and Dez explains to her that the light brown gunk is part of the lyrics. Or a camel is part of the lyrics. He's not quite sure. Either way, everything will be fine.

Ally does not think so. Her eyes glint up at him like he's made her day worse. "You ordered a camel?!"

Again, with ironically bad/good timing, someone opens the door and asks, "Did anyone order a camel?"

Dez slams the door in the stranger's face. Maybe he can tie the camel behind Sonic Boom for a while so he doesn't have to spend money on cancelling the rental. Quietly. When Ally won't notice him and inevitably freak out.

Ally is worried about the window. Trish is worried about the jacket. Dez is worried about the "Trish-poop." Trish threatens bodily harm again, but unlike before, her wording gets to him. His 6th-grade bully used to say she would "mop the floor with his freckled face," and Trish's taunt is similar enough to make bad memories pinch at his nerves.

"My freckles are my friends!" he tells Trish. "Can you say that about your poop?"

He turns away from her to handle the camcorder, his proverbial blankie.

"No," she says, following him. "No one can say that about their poop!"

"Exactly."

Trish sighs harshly. "That's doesn't even make sense."

"Neither does removing the freckles from my face, so I guess we're even."

Trish's caramel-slick hands are ready to strangle him, but he ignores them. He points the camera toward the song-writer and singer to check the exposure settings. In the viewfinder, Austin is blaming Ally for his career's downfall. Ally argues that song-writing isn't something she can do whenever Austin commands her. Despite her protest, she says so in such a lyrical manner that for the first time that month, she sounds inspired.

Finally, they're getting somewhere.

Taking the opportunity to lighten the mood, Dez joins the conversation to tease Ally about her handwriting as she scribbles new lyrics into her book. She responds by jotting something down, and asking, "Can you read this?"

He looks down at the page, surprised that she granted him the privilege of looking at her book. But the honor disappears when he reads the single word in slanted letters:

_Stupid._

"Yes, I can," he replies. "And that is _not_ a nice word!"

Dez is used to insults, justified or otherwise. They come with being the resident nut job at school. But everyone's making his efforts seem like they are hindering the video production, when they aren't! Can't anyone see that he's the only one here who seems to be invested in Austin's career? If Ally's lyrics weren't indecipherable to begin with, Trish and Dez would not have gone on a wild prop chase. If Trish hadn't stolen an aggressive man's jacket, she wouldn't be in danger right now. And if Austin made time to work with Ally instead of waiting on her to write the lyrics (it was their collaboration that made Ally's songs so successful, after all), maybe Austin would not be mistaken for the dog food guy. Dez is the only one who seems to be putting any real effort into this, which is frustrating because he can't do his own job until at least two of the team members do theirs. And they call _him_ stupid?

It takes every bit of self-control for Dez not to call them out on it. He crosses the room to blow off steam elsewhere and opens the door to find the caretaker and the camel waiting for him. Shocked, Dez shuts the door on impulse.

No way can he sneak out the camel without Ally noticing now. At this point, he's suprised that he still cares. He shakes his head and opens the door. He grabs the leash, signs any documents, stuffs another pamphlet into his back pocket, and leads the camel down to the first floor. Disregarding the customers' stares, he gently coaxes the camel out to the alley behind the store. He finds a row of short palm trees there and loops the camel's rope around the trunk of one of them. After surveying his work, he ties another part of the rope to another trunk as a precaution.

He is calm now. The camel's huge eyes and thick lashes make him laugh a little. Leave it to animals to shoot flirtatious looks at him.

"Stay right here, alright?" he says, patting the camel's neck. "You're a bit too big to use on set, but we don't want to lose you before your time is up."

The camel's head lowers as if she agrees.

He returns to the store in a much better mood, if not a little hungry, so he turns on the portable toaster he has in his backpack. Feeling refreshed, he joins the team in the practice room and even cleans up the poop with a smile. His cheerfulness doesn't spread to the others, however. Ally wears a path into the floor, gnawing on her hair and too anxious to notice how adorkably weird that looks. Trish is dazed as she heaves the dripping jacket out of the bucket. Austin sends significant looks to Ally but refuses to speak to her.

Thinking that they might need a change of location as well, Dez opens the door for them, suggesting that they go downstairs. The moment they leave the room, the ideas start flowing. With Ally's help, Trish realizes that she might be able to salvage the jacket at the dry cleaner's. Ally resolves to call the maintenance man to see if the window can be fixed. She puts Dez and Austin in charge of Sonic Boom so that she can supervise Trish. Austin continues to complain.

At that moment, Dez estimates that his toast is almost ready, so he takes the toaster out of his backpack. Bread pops out of the machine right on time, which he catches in mid-air and offers to his friends. Exasperated, Ally and Trish leave.

Guess they aren't hungry.

"I'll go check on the kangaroo," Dez tells Austin.

"Okay, I'll help customers, then."

Dez opens the door cautiously to avoid scaring the kangaroo. The animal is lying on his back with his legs in the air. Seeing the kangaroo's belly rise a little bit, Dez is relieved. The big guy is only sleeping, not dead.

Not dead is good.

Dez is about to close the door and help Austin when he remembers the video he needs to shoot. Ignoring the prop he rented would undermine what he's worked for, so he grabs the Sony, finishes his toast, and thinks.

What can he do to make a music video look good without music? Or a theme?

Well, what does he have? He has a singer and—he looks around—well, a part of a set. He has a simple black stage that could be placed anywhere. He has Austin's band arriving in the afternoon. He has a bucket of caramel and a kangaroo, but neither is safe around musical instruments.

The easiest solution is to place the stage somewhere public and have Austin and his band perform the song. But that's too easy. Too lazy, even, since he's not exploring a concept or actually directing. He'd be recording a concert like people do using their _phones._ Everyone does that. He needs Austin's video to stand out for it to succeed.

Dez imagines more possibilities, but his mind keeps shoving the stage idea to the forefront. He sighs.

Maybe he can place multiple cameras around the stage and edit accordingly? The shots would be less stagnant that way.

Movement catches his eye and he notices the kangaroo twitch in his sleep. He chuckles, wondering what the kangaroo is dreaming about. Probably dreaming about hopping through open fields, he thinks.

An idea shoots through his brain like electricity.

The kangaroo! He could use the kangaroo as a cameraman! If it hopped around with the camera, the shots would be more interesting.

Energized, Dez takes his camera strap from behind the tripod and extends it to its longest length. He slips it around the kangaroo's neck carefully, tugging it under little by little. Once the strap is around the kangaroo's waist, Dez secures the camcorder on the strap and pulls the strap so that the camcorder doesn't slip. Thankfully, the kangaroo doesn't wake up with the new weight on its belly. Dez remembers to press "record," so he lies down beside the kangaroo to do it. He also adjusts the settings to send the footage to his, Austin's, and Ally's computers. That way, he won't have to upload it later.

He draws his knees up and rolls into a sitting position, but in that second the kangaroo's tail moves and his feet land on it, none too gently. The kangaroo jerks awake and Dez has one moment to move away before the marsupial rolls onto its side and onto its feet. In his disorientation, his tail bangs into the tripod, sending the tripod crashing down to the ground. This makes the kangaroo panic, and he jumps blindly into the foosball table. Both animal and furniture are knocked over.

Dez scrambles to pull out the kangaroo pamphlet from his back pocket. The camel pamphlet is in his way and he hurriedly tosses that one over his shoulder as the kangaroo continues to thrash around the room. Dismay fills him when he reads the title of the remaining pamphlet.

_Caring for Your Llama._

The caretaker gave him the wrong pamphlet! How is he supposed to calm the animal down now?

Dez looks up at a guttural noise and a crash makes him wince. There goes a floor lamp.

Dez rushes to the door and calls Austin. Austin is busy helping just _one_ customer—if Dez didn't love his unofficial brother to death, he would have _words_ with him—so Dez is left to fix the problem alone.

He tries to calm the kangaroo down with soothing words and—.

_Crash! _Another floor lamp. Gone.

In the distance, Dez hears Austin shout that he's coming. Relief is momentary; the kangaroo continues to wreak havoc on the practice room and Austin's and Dez's attempts to catch him only trigger the kangaroo's natural ability to jump.

The kangaroo dodges their outstretched arms, and Dez reaches for the kangaroo's leash. His hand closes over the leash as the kangaroo jumps past him. He pulls with all his strength to stop the animal from escaping.

But his tug meets no tension and Dez falls a second time that day. The kangaroo bolting out the door is all he sees before he hits the floor.

"Dez! You okay?" Austin helps him up.

Dez ignores the aches in his hip and shoulder. "Yeah, but what happened? I could have sworn the leash was on him."

Further inspection of the leash showed a tear in the harness part. The kangaroo must have chewed through it before he took a nap!

Wrenching his gaze off the ruined piece of leather, he surveys the room. Broken lamps, strewn clothing, fallen furniture—he doesn't know where to start. Austin opts for righting the piano bench first. The girls rush through the door (how did it close?), demanding to know why the kangaroo got loose. Dez explains what happened and Austin defends him, sharing the blame for Dez's ill-conceived idea.

Then Martin the maintenance guy enters the room and freaks out about the window. Ally can't calm him down enough to get a straight answer from him, so Trish yells at him to spit out an estimate. He hastily writes a figure on a receipt. When Ally reads it, she freaks out, too. Crestfallen, she pleads with Martin to at least get the materials ready; she'll find a way to pay for the repairs, she promises. Martin protests, but at the receiving end of Trish's glare, he mumbles an assurance and leaves.

Unlike her restless behavior before, Ally does not move as she stares at the wrinkled receipt in her hand. Dez moves behind her to see how much it costs and immediately stamps his urge to yell out in shock.

_Five hundred dollars?!_

Considering how much Dez spent on renting props, he knows he doesn't have enough to cover the cost of the window. But maybe he can ease the burden a little.

Using his phone, he checks his account balance. Dread floods through him after the numbers pop up on the screen.

He only has forty-five cents left.

The kangaroo is missing, the practice room is a disaster area, Austin's career is dying, Trish is in danger of being face-punched, Ally is in need of five hundred dollars, and for the first time in years, Dez is _broke_.

This is bad. This is extremely not good.

**A/N: Cliff-hanger! I decided to divide the chapter in two so that I wouldn't keep you lovely readers waiting so long. Thank you all for your patience! I didn't mean for "Updates coming soon" to become "Three bouts of writer's block coming soon, lol." Sorry about that.**

**Thanks to Lalalala, JoeyJar99, MBFL, Harmonious Wolf, and "Guest" for the reviews!**

**Oh, and to all my awesome readers who are not familiar with United States currency: in the first paragraph, when Dez says he gets Jacksons and Benjamins instead of Lincolns and Hamiltons, Dez is referring to U.S. bills by the names of the historical figures printed on them. **

**(President Abraham) Lincoln = $5**

**(Secretary of the Treasury Alexander) Hamilton = $10**

**(President Andrew) Jackson = $20**

**Benjamin (Franklin) = $100**

**Dez gets 20-dollar bills and 100-dollar bills more often than he gets bills of lower value. ****I hope that clears up any confusion.**

**Thanks for reading, and don't forget to tell me what you think!**


	4. How Dez Wrangles a Kangaroo, Part 2

**Disclaimer: The only things I own in this chapter are the illegible and legible lyrics. Unfortunately.**

**Fic 3: How Dez Wrangles a Kangaroo, Part 2 (Or How Dez Deals with Music Video Props)**

_Checking Acct XXXXXXX3543 $0.45_

The balance remains the same, no matter how many times he taps the screen to refresh it. Suddenly, he regrets every purchase he's made today. Stupid dog food commercial! How could such a bad commercial be so effective? And he can't return the dog food because he opened the can!

But if he returns the can opener, he'll have four dollars.

He shakes his head in disappointment as he pockets his phone. That's not nearly enough to help Ally get the window fixed. Besides, he needs to find that kangaroo before the big guy does more damage.

He flips open a pamphlet to find out how to attract kangaroos and follows the recipe. Luckily, he has all the ingredients for kangaroo bait in his backpack downstairs. But when he slips out of the practice room to get them, he sees a stranger handling the cash register for no good reason. The store is almost empty, probably because customers were scared off by the angry kangaroo. Apparently, the stranger in a striped green shirt is taking advantage of the situation by stuffing money into his pockets.

Oh, no. Musical instruments may be broken and customers may be put in mortal danger, but no one steals from the Dawsons while Dez is around. He sneaks down the stairs, relieved that his sneakers comply with his stealth.

By the time the stranger notices Dez, one side of his face is already forced down on the countertop and his hands are flailing, change tumbling in every direction.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you that stealing is wrong?" Dez asks, masking the edge in his voice with false confusion.

"Get off me!" The stranger tries to smack Dez's hand off his head, but Dez is able to lock the stranger's wrists behind his back and lean on him so that the stranger doesn't escape.

He yells for Austin to call the mall cop. In minutes, the problem is solved. Ally thanks the cop and Dez when the stranger is taken away, but the sad tilt to her eyebrows doesn't leave her face. Dez knows she's grateful, but he has only solved _one_ of her problems today. Even if she hasn't lost any money, she hasn't made any, either. The window remains broken.

"Good job, Dez," Austin says, patting him on the back.

Dez's smile comes more readily than he expects, which worries him. The worse the situation, the easier it is to fake.

"Yeah," Trish says. "If you can catch a thief, then you better be able to catch that kangaroo."

"Hey, I'm working on it." Dez remembers the pamphlet and the ingredients, so he reaches for his backpack. "All I need is kangaroo bait. That marsupial _and _my camcorder will be back before you can say, 'Cheese.'" He drags out the last word and smiles for emphasis.

Trish scoffs at his bad joke, but pauses. "Wait, say that again."

"Kangaroo bait?" He asks, ripping open a packet of dried mangos.

"No, after that."

"That marsupial and my camcorder will be back before you can say, 'Cheese?'"

Trish's eyes widen as if he's said something important. "I'll be back, you guys." She walks to the entrance of the store and stops to look back at him. "Dez, find that kangaroo or your freckles won't be the only things on the floor."

Rolling his eyes, he continues to collect the ingredients while Austin helps Ally put back all the cash that was stolen from the register. He fills a popcorn bucket with all the ingredients he needs and races outside to make a trail that will lead the kangaroo back to Sonic Boom.

Judging by the exhausted tone of Ally's voice when his trail of mangos, fishsticks, and croutons are complete, she doesn't have five hundred dollars yet.

He enlightens Ally on the purpose of the food, sure that the kangaroo will jump through the doors any second now.

A llama walks into Sonic Boom instead.

Dez thinks back and groans. He forgot that he had the llama pamphlet, not the kangaroo one. He's about to pull out his phone to see if he has anything kangaroos eat when Austin asks him about the camcorder strapped to the kangaroo's stomach. The question reminds Dez that the camera is still on and synced to their computers.

He turns on his myTAB and finds the feed, relieved to see that his camcorder hasn't been damaged. Austin and Ally crowd around him as images of people abandoning their food flood the screen.

"That's by the food court!" Ally says.

Dez notices that she's cheering up and wastes no time.

"Here I come, kangaroo!" Dez yells, running outside. He can fix this. Everything will be all right.

He follows the feed, barely dodging the people in his way. The kangaroo has jumped away from the food court and is near the children's playground. Dez has to run to the west side of the mall, past the bookstore and Kacy's department store.

The sounds of kids squealing erupt from the myTAB, but they recede too quickly. The children must have scared the kangaroo. Another glance at the myTAB tells him that kangaroo is moving back towards the food court. Dez has to get there before the kangaroo does so that he can catch him.

Dez skids to a stop. How is he going to catch him? He only brought his myTAB and phone with him. He needs a net or something.

_Checking Acct XXXXXXX3543 $0.45_

He can't afford to buy kangaroo-catching equipment. Sighing, he leans against a standing plastic advertisement, but it's too flimsy to carry him so it rattles and falls. Dez hastily rights it again. It's an ad for Pirate Frank's Fish and Fry Seafood Restaurant: "One bucket of fish and large side of chips for only $14! Reel in this deal today!"

Dez's eyes widen and he runs to Pirate Frank's Fish and Fry.

He pushes the double doors open and slams his hands down on the counter.

"What's wrong, m'boy?" Pirate Frank asks, his one visible eyebrow lifted in concern.

In the most desperate voice he can muster, Dez says, "Please, Pirate Frank, I need to borrow your fishnet. I need to catch the kangaroo that's scaring all the customers."

Pirate Frank glances at the net hanging from the ceiling. "Oh no, you don't. I heard about all the fiddles and pipes you broke at Sonic Boom. I'm not letting you touch that net, even if your life is on the plank."

"But Pirate Frank—."

"I said 'no!'" Pirate Frank points his plastic hook at Dez, and the parrot on his shoulder bobs in agreement.

Dez allows himself only a moment to get discouraged and races out of Pirate Frank's restaurant to find another solution. He spots Billl's Surf Shop. Maybe he can get a surfboard bag from him!

Inside the shop, Dez quickly asks the shiny-haired shop owner to borrow a surfboard bag that can help him catch the kangaroo. The relaxed grin on Billl's face slips instantly.

"Sorry, dude," Billl says. "That's my merchandise. You have to buy it."

Dez's shoulders sag. "I'll buy it right after I catch that kangaroo!"

"Do you have a credit card?"

Dez squirms. "No."

Billl shakes his head. "If I can't selll it, you can't have it."

A groan comes out of Dez's throat. "Is there any big bag you don't sell, then? Something you can give away? I have to catch that kangaroo soon."

Billl crosses his arms as he considers the question. "A bag I don't selll? Lemme check the storage in the back and see if I have anything."

"Thank you, Bill, thank you!"

Billl stops walking to the storage room to remind him, "It's Billl, with three l-l's."

Dez is quick to drag out the "l" sound. "Billl, sorry. I knew that. But thank you!"

Billl waves it off. "It's okay. People get it wrong alll the time."

Those five minutes and forty-two seconds feel like an hour to Dez as he waits impatiently for Billl to return. He jumps in excitement when he hears the "Empllloyees Onllly" door open. Billl enters the main part of the store, holding a huge, brown, burlap bag with a drawstring opening.

"Here, dude." Billl tosses the bag to Dez. "It's one of the bags that come with the surfboards in the shipment, but we don't give them to the customers. It's alll yours!"

Dez catches the bag and quickly inspects it for holes a kangaroo might rip through. He finds none, thanks Billl, checks his myTAB for signs of the kangaroo's location—he sees nothing but a too-close shot of a brick wall, which worries him—and bolts out of the shop.

He spots the kangaroo at the ice cream kiosk on the screen and almost runs into an old lady. He swerves right before he can cause another geriatric-related accident, and sprints his way to the ice cream kiosk. Running all those laps in the morning to boost creative output paid off. He's not even tired.

In the distance, he sees the kangaroo by the ice cream kiosk, licking his arms. While the kangaroo is distracted, Dez tosses his myTAB to a nearby lounge chair (and thankfully doesn't miss his target) and leaps forward to wrap his arms around the kangaroo's neck.

But two seconds before he can land on the kangaroo, the kangaroo's feet stop Dez mid-leap and shove him away with ease. Dez and the ground meet more painfully this time, and Dez is winded.

Maybe he shouldn't have yelled when he jumped.

He is groaning when he senses the kangaroo approach him. Suddenly, Dez is hit.

The kangaroo is kicking him! Dez tries to crawl out of the way, but the kangaroo follows, balancing on his tail as his feet slam against Dez's shoulder and stomach. The resulting pain travels in a familiar pattern and Dez is pleading for the blows to stop. It's 7th grade all over again, except with animals.

And just like old times, he has the distinct feeling that someone is laughing at him. It feels wrong, because he should have grown immune to that feeling by now. He's been able to block out the hateful comments and locker slams and laughter and pain for years. But it seems that real-life pain breaks his mental blocks. With every slam of the kangaroo's feet, memories strike him, too.

_Stupid._

_I'm going to wipe the floor with your face, Desmond!_

His face is against cold tiles, which makes the next blow feels like a locker slam.

_Freckle-freak._

_Giraffe._

Laughter echoes in his head. He curls into a fetal position and the kicks are relentless.

_Don't talk to him, he's crazy._

_Wittle Dezzie can't find his cam-wah?_

His first silver Sony, smashed to pieces.

_Hey, look, Dez has the newest Zaliens movie!_

A group of kids, ignoring him in his own room.

_I thought you were cool, but you're not. The only things cool about you are your stuff._

Cool stuff? Dez tried to scoff, but his winced instead as a foot caught his shoulder. Wanting cool stuff is what got him into this mess, and all his gadgets and gizmos can't save him from being beaten up by a kangaroo.

Only two people could save him from violent episodes like these: Austin and himself.

Remembering his best friend (and for some time, his only friend), Dez wills the voices of his past to shut up. He sees another kick coming, so he uncurls himself to lie flat on his stomach. The kangaroo misses.

Dez may be crazy. He may have freckles. He may be stupid. He might even be a freak with too much stuff for one person to handle.

He rolls to dodge another hit.

But he is passionate. He is hard-working. He is generous. He is an aspiring director whose music video got over 2,000,000 views and counting.

Clenching the burlap sack in his fist, he pushes himself off the floor, making sure to move out of the kangaroo's hitting range. He positions the opening of the sack to face the kangaroo.

Best of all, he is definitely not in elementary school or middle school anymore.

He shoots forward and the sack covers the kangaroo's head and upper body in an instant. Using his height to his advantage, Dez pulls the sack down as quickly as he can so that it goes under the kangaroo as he tries to kick Dez away. The plan works and the kangaroo's legs are caught under the fabric. The kangaroo topples to the side, which makes Dez's job of pulling the sack's stings together over the kangaroo's tail much easier. He ties the strings and hauls that part of the sack up. Due to its long and narrow shape, the sack doesn't have enough room for the kangaroo to reverse its position and poke its head out of the opening.

When the scuffle is over, Dez can't believe it. He did it! He caught the kangaroo! He indulges in a happy dance before immediately moaning in pain. His shoulder and side are going to need ice after this.

Triumphant and sore, Dez starts his slow, weighted trek back to Sonic Boom. Even after being injured by the animal, Dez is careful not to tug too abruptly and scare him more than he already did. When he passes a part of the mall where the floor isn't level, he uses the inclines instead of the stairs so that he doesn't harm the animal.

Dez is happy to see that his myTAB is still sitting at the chair where he tossed it.

Night falls by the time Dez arrives at the music store, and he is surprised to see a crowd of people standing around. No one is at the cash register from Dez's vantage point. Why are so many customers not browsing the store, and where is Ally?

The band appears at his right when Dez steps inside. Trish must have called them over and had them put up the black stage.

What's going on? Is Sonic Boom holding a concert for Austin?

"Coming through, coming though," Dez says, shuffling backwards as he drags the kangaroo inside. "Nothing to see here."

People shift out of his way, looking confused.

"Is there a person in there?" someone asks.

"No, it's a very delicate, moving music video prop," Dez says, ignoring the way the sack moved like a whack-a-mole game. "Duh."

He wouldn't drag a person in a sack in public! That would look way too suspicious.

"Dez!"

He looks up to see Trish walking toward him. Her shoes are a blinding magenta color, and she wasn't wearing those before the kangaroo got loose.

"Oh thank goodness, you have the—stuff!" Trish laughs nervously as she looks at the attentive crowd. "Let's get that upstairs."

By "let's," she means "you," and Dez has to drag the kangaroo to the bottom of the stairwell while she rushes him.

Reaching the stairs, Dez realizes he has a problem. Either he carries the marsupial up to the workroom, or he drags it up as the kangaroo's head knocks against every stair step.

"Come on, people are waiting!" Trish makes a hurrying gesture.

Dez huffs. Carrying, it is.

He hands Trish his myTAB and readies himself for more strenuous activity. He lifts up the kangaroo in his arms as well as he can, and thankfully the kangaroo only weighs as much as his five-year-old nephew: heavy, but not unbearably so.

"If people have been waiting so long, then where's Austin?" he asks. Is Austin missing, too?

"They're not waiting for—oh no, I am not making the same mistake with you."

"Mistake of what?" Distracted, Dez almost misses a step.

"Watch it!" Trish yells, grabbing the bag. Dez regains his balance in a second, and Trish's hands jump back from the sack.

"Never mind," she says, continuing up the stairs. "Just get it into the workroom. Austin and Ally are in there."

Not being able to hold the hand-rail makes him uncomfortable, and he almost trips over a step again, but his journey ends safely and he gently puts the kangaroo down so that he can open the workroom door. Trish opens the door for him and he announces that he's caught the kangaroo.

Trish smiles at the kangaroo, apparently having forgiven him for ruining her jacket. "Now people can finally see what they came for—." She points at the kangaroo, and Ally forces Trish's arm to swing to Austin's direction.

"You!" Ally says to Austin. "Ha ha! Gotta go."

Ally leaves the room so quickly, Dez thinks that she's hiding something.

Both Ally and Trish are covering something up.

And why did Trish point to the kangaroo when she said—_oh._

_Oh. _

Oh, no.

"Hold it!" Dez says.

Ally stops right at the landing, shoulders up as if caught guilty.

He does not like that Trish and Ally have tricked the audience into seeing Austin perform. Granted, from the way Ally is trying to keep the secret from Austin, they probably didn't mean to resort to that. Trish organized an impressive turn-out, and judging by the crisp new sheet music Austin has in his hand, Ally must have written better lyrics for the song. From their actions, they've proven that they do want to help Austin as much as Dez does.

Even if they can't always do their job right the first time.

Dez feels the Miami mugginess at his back. The air conditioner can't expel it because the humidity is seeping in from the broken window.

He'll admit that even a great, up-and-coming director like him can't do his job without making a few mistakes, either.

So he'll forgive Ally for stalling on song-writing and Trish for the freckle-threats.

"Where do you want me to put the kangaroo?" he asks Ally.

Her shoulders droop in relief as she turns to face him. "Oh, right. Well, we shouldn't let him loose in the workroom. He might break things again. What about the closet?"

"Good idea."

Ally crosses the room and opens the closet door as Dez drags the kangaroo there. Austin pores over the new lyrics to memorize them while Trish settles into a chair and fiddles with Dez's myTAB.

Once the kangaroo is in the closet, Dez remembers that his camera is still in the sack.

"Ally, can you turn on the light for me, please?"

Ally obliges.

"I need to get my camera back from the kangaroo. I'm going to get it, and when I get out, you're going to close the door behind me. Got it?"

Ally nods. "Got it."

"Okay." Dez looks down at the moving bag and places his fingers on the string knot. "Ready?"

"Ready." Ally places a hand on the door.

He unties the knot, but because the strings are tied around the opening at least three times, the opening is still shut. "Steady?"

"Steady." Ally's other hand tightens on the doorknob.

Dez's fingers grip the opening and he takes a deep breath.

Time for another beat-down.

"Go!" Dez snaps the sack open.

**A/N: And cliffhanger! Thank you so much for your patience, you guys, you are awesome. MusicMyEscape, AusllyShipper101, JoeyJar99, and Harmonius Wolf, thank you for the reviews. I hope you enjoyed part 2!**

**Part 3 will be about Dez and Face-Puncher! Anticipate it!**


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